Vampire Academy Movie Review/Rant/Free For All

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  I don't know if this a review, a rant, a discussion, a plea, or what. Your guess is as good as mine. After finally watching the movie, I had a range of feelings. The first four books of the Vampire Academy series were amazing. I loved them. The last two were lackluster for me, but that doesn't change the fact that I do like this series a lot. The movie adaptation? Not so much. Get comfortable, I have a lot to talk about.

  One thing that can ruin an adaptation for me is the way that the film bridges the gap from the book. How can you introduce the audience to the universe of the book who haven't read it? I can't speak of how well the movie explained the world because I read the books recently, so I was able to fill in the gaps where I needed to. What I hated? The voice overs by Rose with the Powerpoint style slides and words floating over the screen. I felt like I was in high school again with a corny slideshow from my science teacher. It was so distracting. I usually find myself saying this to authors, but the script writers really should learn to show instead of tell.

  Vampire Academy had too much of an immature vibe to it. Everything was turned into a joke. The books were rather poignant about friendship, growing up, and falling in love. The movie deviated from that feel greatly. In the books, a critical part of the story is that Rose can sometimes see through Lissa's eyes and experience what she is because of the shadow kissed bond. I always took it that Rose completely went into Lissa's mind. In the movies, she can simultaneously be in Lissa's mind while cracking lame jokes and giving unneeded commentary. Spare me.

  Another thing with the immaturity is the jokes about Twilight. I'll be the first to admit that I don't like Twilight (the books). But I think that the writers forgot that Vampire Academy is a vampire movie with vampire in it's title. There are several jokes cracked about vampires and Twilight. Come on. This is a vampire movie. Own it. Don't make yourself a joke.

Mia's response? "I'll just water magic myself." Sigh.

  The casting, y'all. It was terrible. There was not a single character portrayed like I thought they would be. Sarah Hyland was such a bad choice. I cringed every time I saw her on the screen. One of the worst lines of the film came from her: "Maybe I won't kill you. I'll make you just like me. Best friends forever." This comes out in a high pitched screech that sounds like an angry cheerleader instead of a ruthless, deadly Strigoi. Fail.

This tells you everything you need to know.

  I think I'm the only person who didn't like Zoey Deutch as Rose. It felt like she tried too hard the entire time to be the flirtatious, badass Rose that we know and love. She definitely wasn't a natural. And Dimitri? No. Terrible choice. Nothing like what I had in mind. Nopenopenope. My favorite terribad line came at Dimitri's expense, though. "They say Dimitri is like a god, but I'm an atheist. An atheist with a big gun." Who writes this stuff?!

  All in all, this adaptation was a huge failure for me. I think the young adult vampire adaptations have long hit their high point. With the success of The Fault in Our Stars, I hope Hollywood will pay attention and go the contemporary route for awhile. I just know that I cannot sit through another disaster like Vampire Academy again.