Today I'm hosting Zane Sachs on my blog for Indie Fall Fest!
Don't forget to drop by the kick-off post and enter the huge giveaway!
On Kira Adams' blog today, she's hosting Mary Waibel!
10 Reasons the Holidays Suck, and 10 Ways to Make Them Better: FREE Advice from Sadie the Sadist
by Zane Sachs
I’m not a professional shrink (although I’ve seen plenty), but I’ve devised the following list of common triggers for Holiday blues—if five or more resonate with you, be sure to check my helpful antidotes.
10 Reasons the Holiday Season Sucks:
- They start advertising Christmas crap before Halloween.
- You’re forced to see relatives that you can’t stand.
- You’re expected to buy the relatives that you can’t stand expensive presents … and they never like them.
- Because you’re stressed, you stuff yourself and gain ten pounds.
- You’d like to work-off all that holiday blubber, but the gym is constantly closed.
- If you hear “I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus” one more time, you will commit suicide.
- You need a refill on your Xanax, but the pharmacy isn’t open.
- All those colored, blinking lights give you a headache.
- Criminal Minds is pre-empted by A Charlie Brown Christmas.
- You suspect Santa is a pedophile.
10 Ways to Kill Holiday Depression:
- Make a statement about crass holiday advertising by vandalizing holiday shoppers’ cars in the Walmart parking lot. (First, be sure to check for cameras.)
- When relatives show up, instead of stressing, take the opportunity to try some of Sadie the Sadist’s innovative recipes … a tough relative can provide a tender cut of meat.
- Dumpster diving is a great way to save on gifts. If that fails, check out the Dollar Store. Chances are, your relatives are too dumb to know the difference.
- Reframe your reality. For example: weight gain can be an advantage when you’re tackling victims. Also, your victims have probably put on a few pounds too, which makes them easier to catch and juicier.
- Pursuing victims is a great work-out. You’ll burn a lot of calories butchering bodies, dragging them around, and digging graves. (Better yet, use them when you make my recipes.)
- Mount a loudspeaker on your car, and drive around town blasting Marilyn Manson.
- The holidays are a great time to self-medicate. Crash a party and drink all the punch and eggnog. If you’re in my hometown, those cookies may give you a buzz, if not, visit the local dispensary.
- Blinking lights aren’t annoying when you’re high on weed. If your state doesn’t offer legal marijuana, plan a trip to Washington or my state, Colorado.
- Instead of spending mindless hours watching the boob-tube, make your own old-fashioned fun: bake a batch of marijuana cookies and pass them out at work; set fire to the church during candlelight service; turn that pesky boss into a hearty stew for the office potluck. Be inventive!
- The best antidote for a pedophile Santa can be found in my book, Sadie the Sadist. I won’t describe it here, but the procedure requires a large cob of corn.
For more insanity, recipes, and FREE advice from Sadie the Sadist, please visit my blog: Zané Sachs - Going Down
I say: Twisted!
Sadie says: Truthful.
2. Sadie is a very “unique” character. How hard was it to get into her head?
I say: Fortunately (or unfortunately) getting into Sadie came naturally to me. She emerged inside my brain while I was working a particularly awful job at a supermarket. In fact, Sadie’s insanity allowed me to appear sane while continuing work.
Sadie says: She’s an easy mark.
3. What was your favorite part of writing Sadie the Sadist?
I say: Writing Sadie the Sadist was my first full-blown venture into the horror genre, and I found it incredibly freeing. Sadie is an over-the-top character who does things I would never do … but it’s fun to imagine! She allows me to explore the darkest aspects of myself and humanity. Writing the book was extremely cathartic.
Sadie says: Z’s really a psycho, so she loved it.
4. I’m curious because I loved Sadie the Sadist; how have readers reacted to such a dark and depraved book?
I say: I’ve been careful to warn people that the book is sick, twisted, and X-rated. Most people pay attention, so they know what they’re in for, and they enjoy the ride. Those ignoring my warnings are sometimes horrifically surprised.
Sadie says: The people who don’t like the book rarely live to tell.
5. What made you want to write a book like Sadie the Sadist?
I say: Initially, I wrote a short story as a reaction to my job. (The public will be glad to know, I no longer work at a supermarket.) I’m interested in psychology and fascinated with the idea that we never really know what’s inside another person’s mind. I showed the short story to a few writing friends, including Blake Crouch and Elizabeth Engstrom, and they encouraged me to expand it into a novel.
Sadie says: I made her write the book.
6. What was your least favorite part of writing Sadie the Sadist?
I say: Really, I was sad when I finished the book. Blake told me Sadie was so bad she had to be caught … but, don’t worry, she’ll be back. The other thing that I found a bit difficult was admitting how twisted my mind can be—for a while I was afraid I’d lose my job, but finally I didn’t give a damn.
Sadie says: She’s lazy, a procrastinator, and would rather stream a thousand episodes of “Chopped” or watch “Criminal Minds” than write.
7. If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, which would you pick?
One book for the rest of my life … wow. Well the lucky thing is, I’m a writer, so I can keep making up stories. As far as reading goes, it would probably be the teachings of Buddha or the writings of Plato, or maybe a book that included in-depth studies of a number of philosophies.
Sadie says: A butcher’s manual would be useful.
8.What’s up next for you? Any projects we should be looking out for?
I just released Sadie’s Guide to Catching Killers, the prekill to Sadie the Sadist, and I’m currently working on a psychological suspense novel, Jayne Just Watches, which I expect to complete by the end of the year. Jayne has Cotard’s syndrome, and she believes she’s dead. (She happens to be Sadie’s neighbor.)
Then I plan to write another Sadie story, Reckd, inspired by my new (much better) job at a Rec Center.
Sadie says: I’ll be back.
Zané is currently writing a novel of psychological suspense, Jayne Just Watches. Jayne believes that she is dead, and she happens to be Sadie’s neighbor.
Perhaps, one day soon, the perfect novel will be written by artificial intelligence. Until then, Zané offers you her flawed perspective and hopes you find it entertaining.
For Sadie’s deadly recipes, guest inQuistions, and useful tips on topics like the Pros and Cons of killing your boss, please visit Zané’s blog, Zané Sachs-Going Down, at ZaneSachs.com
Contact Zané Sachs and subscribe to her infrequent newsletter for news, contests, weird factoids, and recipes: ZaneSachs@gmail.com (Zané also writes under the name Suzanne Tyrpak.)